Friday, November 30, 2012

Pass me the pliers, don't crush the cat


We are looking  for someone who can perform as a cat holder-downer while we give our grey cat "Fumo" a full body clipping. Fumo was part of the matrimony package which is all fine and well. I think if he were a guy person, he would probably work as a crusty bartender and wear python skin cowboy boots, but I digress. He is a medium hair domestic who sheds everywhere, everyday, and in every place in our apartment: on the bed, in the kitchen, in the roast potatoes and on the white couch (not ours..it came with the place). Fumo is a rockin cat, but the professional groomer was against the idea on principle. The vet offered to anesthetize him (Katamine), which requires the insertion of a breathing apparatus: too much stress on both the cat and my wife.

Back to the job. You do not need to be a professional cat holder-downer, but having experience will put you on the short-list. It is a two person job.You must obviously dig cats. He does, however, have the potential  to hiss, bite, scratch and/or otherwise maim your hands, forearms, face, and solar plexus. There is no protective equipment, so you are welcome to dress accordingly. I just saw an old style fencing helmet at the Beretania Street Goodwill that I could purchase for your reimbursement.


The job needs to be done in our apartment and we have plenty of saimin noodles, Primo beer and cool music on the stereo. You can bring a friend, but there is not that much beer.

Freaks, weirdos and pure dog lovers need not apply